When your friend or loved one is living with memory loss it can change the way they socialize and communicate, but your time together can still be enjoyable and meaningful. This blog provides guidelines to help you have a meaningful interaction with your loved one living with memory loss. Often, people with dementia will have trouble initiating a conversation, so a general rule of thumb is to focus on doing an activity together, rather than centering the time on conversation alone.
Activities to do with someone living with memory loss
- Enjoy a meal or go out for ice cream. Put together a picnic with some favorite snacks and take it outside.
- Create a scrapbook with photos and other mementoes. We recommend using copies – not originals – and labeling everything. Pictures from magazines depicting hobbies, favorite foods, and travel destinations are a nice addition.
- Find an easy household task to accomplish together. Help organize a dresser drawer or a closet. Do some light cleaning. Focus on working together so everyone can contribute.
- Plan a party together. Look at a cookbook for the menu. Come up with a shopping list. Design an invitation.
- Make a centerpiece for the table using silk flowers.
- Read an article or a book, take turns reading out loud. Choose a text with large font and minimal decorations on the page.
- Exercise. Toss a ball back and forth, play a game of bean bag toss, or dance to some favorite tunes. Make sure you understand any physical limitations before you begin.
- Virtually connect with a mutual friend or another member of the family. Bring up memories about that person before you make the call, show a photo and tell a story.
- Ask for advice about something. For example, bring a catalog and ask for their opinion on clothing you should buy.
- If a young child will be part of the visit, bring a craft project or simple game that can involve them, along with the loved one you are visiting.
Basic communication tips for visiting with someone living with memory loss
- You may need to introduce yourself every time you visit.
- Speak slowly. Give your loved one time to process what you are saying.
- Never treat someone with dementia as if they are a child. People living with memory loss deserve the respect that one should give to anyone their age.
- Pay attention to your non-verbal communication. Your tone of voice, facial expression, and body language are often more meaningful than the words you speak.
- Ask open-ended questions with no right or wrong answers. For example, “I took my kids to a farm last weekend. What do you know about farms?”
- Respect your loved one’s sense of reality. You do not need to correct them nor do you need to enter their reality yourself. It is best to avoid arguing or pointing out mistakes. Provide respect and support, focus on listening.
- Avoid phrases like, “Don’t you remember? / I can’t believe you don’t remember,” which might come across as insulting.
- Acknowledge your loved one’s feelings and pay attention to their non-verbal communication. For example, if they look unhappy, you can say “You seem sad.” This can help them feel understood and can help them express their feelings.
Additional advice for your time with your loved one living with dementia
- Schedule your visit at their best time. For example, the end of the day is tiring for many people. Earlier in the day might be better.
- Minimize distractions. For example, if the TV is on, ask if you can turn it off. If you are in a room with other people, you might want to find a quieter area for your visit.
- If everything does not go perfectly, do not take it personally or assume you did something wrong. Everyone has good days and bad days and sometimes your loved one may not be feeling their best.
- It may be best to limit visitors to one or two people at a time. Large groups can make interactions more complicated and can end up leaving out your loved one.
- It might be helpful to create a visitor log that your loved one can keep. Everyone who visits can write in when they visited and what they did during the visit.
